Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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