Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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