Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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