its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
