so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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