dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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