I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
