i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You are a genius and a whore.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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