Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
