I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
