I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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