He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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