Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Watching her eat just hurts me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
