he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize