he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's blow job season.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
