I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
