Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
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Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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