Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
