So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize