Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
