You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
