im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
