This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
