And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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