Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
