I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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