and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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