No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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