I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
