I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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