At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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