I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm too high and old for this...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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