It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
