mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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