awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
