Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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