You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
