The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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