I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
