I'm going to jail i love you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
