nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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