How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
