I puked a lego.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
