I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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