He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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