I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
