My hand turned me down
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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