I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
