she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
