Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I deserve this hangover.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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