my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
