If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
