She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
