So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
