his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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