god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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