I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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