New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
