Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
