Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
