5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
