We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
