Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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