i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
