this beer tastes like vomit already
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
