There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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