Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
